What Have We Done?

Last night our nation elected a felon, autocrat, insurrectionist, serial liar, and convicted sexual abuser to the highest office in the land—for the second time. This morning, world leaders are congratulating Trump, often lacing their words with flattery—the most effective tool of influence with this re-empowered narcissist. According to David Brennan of ABC News, NATO’s Secretary-General, Mark Rutte, issued a perfunctory (and to me, clearly defensive) statement, saying that Trump’s leadership “will again be key to keeping our alliance strong… I look forward to working with him again to advance peace through strength through NATO.” Of course, Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban produced the expected praise: “the biggest comeback in U.S. political history…an enormous win… a much needed victory for the world.” Even Volodymyr Zelenskyy found it necessary to say that Kyiv “looks forward to an era of a strong United States of America under President Trump’s decisive leadership.” Vladimir Putin was coy with a toned-down response and a reminder that the United States is an adversary in their “special military operation” against Ukraine. In the privacy of the Kremlin, though, he must be ecstatic.

What have we done?

I continue to use the word, “we,” because Trump not only won the electoral college but also the popular vote. And the Senate has been flipped to the right. To me, this combined result is astounding, and deeply disturbing. It means that we aren’t who I thought we were. It means there is much more work ahead, and with fewer available tools than I imagined in my darkest moments. It means that our democratic republic has legitimately delivered a result that could lead to its own demise.

Thankfully, our demise is not a sure thing. Trump makes promises that are extremely difficult to keep in the real world. Even surrounded by sycophants, as he certainly will be in his cabinet and in Congress, he might find if difficult to follow through on his most radical plans. And, once in power again, if it suits him, he won’t hesitate to abandon some of his goals while claiming, against all documented evidence, that he never actually had them.

Here is my hope, as naïve as it might be. My hope is that our nation’s population, including many moderate Republicans, will recoil against the inhumanity of mass deportations, the economic damage of tariffs and tax cuts for the wealthiest, the dangerous realignment of international priorities, the abandonment of the rule of law, and the continuing violation of women’s rights, as these things and many others move from abstraction to stark reality.

Elon Musk is probably right about one thing: that we must brace for “hardship in the short term.” He was speaking in purely economic terms (and never acknowledging that he, personally, will likely remain unscathed), but his statement, I believe, applies far more broadly. We are in for hard times far beyond economics: socially, institutionally, and morally.

The only positive thought I can muster at this moment is that those “hard times” will serve to wake us up once again. Let’s hope that happens sooner rather than later.

New Book Announcement

Today I’m pleased to announce that AIA Publishing will release my new book, Maslow’s Basement, on August 24. Like my others, this is a work of fiction intended primarily as entertainment, but it also attempts to shine a light on one of the most difficult and pervasive problems facing our society today: homelessness.

When most of us think about this problem, images of crime, squalor, addiction, downtown business impacts, and street corner panhandling come to the fore, and for good reasons. These are some of the most undeniable and visible aspects of the dilemma. But as my mother, who was active in the fight against homelessness in Southern California, once reminded me, homelessness can happen to anyone. Sometimes all it takes is a confluence of bad luck and lack of support. Often there are one or two misguided personal or financial decisions involved. Sometimes illness, physical or mental, is the catalyst. But with few exceptions, the folks who find themselves on the street are not fundamentally “bad people.” They are flawed humans like the rest of us, but ones also caught up in a perfect storm of events—some self-inflicted and some externally imposed. And once stuck in the downward spiral to society’s basement, climbing back out can be extremely difficult.

Maslow’s Basement traces the experience of one such person, Roger Carrington, as he falls from a position of privilege as a hi-tech CEO, to life in a cardboard shack under a Seattle freeway. Roger finds himself living among people he once held in disdain but must now learn to cooperate with. In doing so, he discovers their humanity and finds new purpose. This is a story of hubris, greed, psychological struggle, societal failure, and ultimately personal redemption.

All first-year proceeds from Maslow’s Basement go to a compassionate and impactful organization in Seattle called Mary’s Place (marysplaceseattle.org) with the mission of “Ensuring that no child sleeps outside by centering equity and opportunity for women and families.” If you would like to contribute to this effort, you can do that by simply buying a copy of my book. Leaving a review at your point of purchase or telling friends about the book by posting on social media will also help tremendously. The paperback will become available on Amazon and by special order at independent bookstores on August 24. if you prefer a Kindle copy, you may pre-order one now for activation on the 24th: Maslow's Basement - Kindle edition.

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the book.

Update: the publisher has moved the release date up to August 11.

Going Big

Donald Trump would never admit that his base of loyal followers is shrinking, but he is behaving like he knows it is. As his people quietly sneak out the back door, following the likes of Ron DeSantis, Trump is playing an old card with a shiny new face on it in. He’s going big.

In 2016, that card was The Big Beautiful Wall. Now, in the runup to the Republican primaries for 2024, Trump has replaced that card with an even bigger one touting brand new “Freedom Cities” – up to ten shiny new metropolises built with streets named after American Patriots and flying cars navigating the skies above. Generous rewards, he tells us, will be doled out to couples who populate these cities with lots of new babies, preferably all white ones. Okay, the ‘all white’ part is strictly my interpretation, but I honestly think it’s there in the subtext. The rest of the concept is exactly as described by the ex-president himself at CPAC yesterday.  

It’s almost as if the nonexistent Big Beautiful Wall is to be broken into ten smaller ones encircling these new cities, ensuring that the evil woke population, the Marxists that so viciously dominate our current cities, will be kept away, living out their sad final days in those failing, crime-infested swamps—wretched hives of laziness and debauchery like New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, San Francisco, and Seattle.

The new utopian breeding grounds, Trump declares, will be built on undeveloped Federal land that he creatively calls “The Frontier.” Never mind that this would require massive new infrastructure where none exists today and would cost untold trillions. Never mind that the scheme smells pungently of Marjorie Taylor Greene’s proposed breakup of America into red and blue enclaves. And never mind that it would likely be attempted without the slightest regard for the natural environment. Oh yes, and the fact that it’s fundamentally batshit crazy.

Even not being much of a betting man, I’d be willing to lay odds that Mexico won’t pay for it. Ah, but here’s an idea that might appeal to Trump: let’s give all our dilapidated Marxist-dominated cities to Mexico in exchange for free labor building new ones for us. We can easily deport the workers after everything is done, either to Mexico or the old cities. MAGA! Of course, all construction work not manageable by the unskilled Mexicans would go through The Trump Organization. And any need for Federal funds to make up the slack would easily be offset by the trickle-down effects of huge new tax cuts for large real estate developers.

If you’ll allow me a momentary switch of metaphors that I just can’t help making… Like The Big Beautiful Wall before it, Trump’s promise of Freedom Cities is one giant piece of stinking bait. He knows this, but he hopes his followers won’t see the hook, just like last time. And more to the point, he hopes the intense smell will tempt some of the newly disloyal ones to come swimming back.

Trump is the king of hyperbole and flat-out lies, so it’s unlikely that any competing candidate will be able to outdo him at this game. His strategy can be summed up by the tired old cliché, “Go big or go home,” and it might just work in the primaries. But in the general election, we can only hope that the result will be more like “Go big AND go home.”

Why Does He Do That?

I’ve been asking this question about Donald Trump since he first ran for President in 2016 and there have been endless opportunities to wonder ever since. The man says and does things that would disqualify, embarrass, and even convict almost any other person on the planet. Things like bragging about sexual assault, promising that Mexico would pay for a border wall, extorting the President of Ukraine for personal and political gain, suggesting the ingestion of bleach as a Covid cure, or settling court cases concerning his fraudulent “university” and his “charitable organization.” Oh, yes, and that little matter of the insurrection.

Instead of continuing the long historical list, let’s just jump ahead in time. Yesterday on Trump’s ironically named “Truth Social,” he referenced his infamous 2018 meeting with Vladimir Putin in Helsinki to rhetorically ask readers again whether they should trust our own “intelligence lowlifes” or the President of Russia. And then, in what looked for all the world like another self-inflicted wound, he bragged about having more lawyers than “the late great gangster, Alphonse Capone.” But, like all his past statements and actions, these will do little to diminish the adoration flowing from his hard-core base.

Apparently, he understood this from the very beginning when he said, “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.” But he does lose a few each time he takes a shot. Whether consciously or not, I suspect Trump is engaging in a kind of refinement process in which he continually tests his base for loyalty, tolerates the loss of a few people from the periphery, and distills the base down to a purer and purer core of disciples. “How much do you love Trump?” his narcissism seems to ask again and again. If he knew anything at all about the book he claims as his favorite, I wouldn’t be shocked if Trump eventually engaged in a bit of biblical appropriation: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”

Because of this testing and refinement process, Trump’s base slowly shrinks over time. But the remnant grows stronger, more virulent, and more willing to follow him into any fight. If he is eventually indicted for one of his many crimes and then convicted, he will become a martyr. At that point, the perceptions of the base and Trump’s own self-image will merge almost perfectly. “I am a victim of a massive and cruel witch hunt,” he will say. But the most powerful implication—and one he increasingly tries to make explicit—is “You are victims too. It’s time to rise up and take back our country. Follow me.”

He had a successful practice run on January 6, 2021, and he can call up the troops again, whether he wins the 2024 Republican nomination or not. But the race that will actually determine the outcome will be the one between the decreasing size of the base and its increasing virulence. Will Trump’s continual testing of the base eventually reduce its size to the point of irrelevance, or will his testing prove to be more like a uranium-enriching centrifuge yielding a small but highly potent core?

My guess, for what it’s worth, is that Trump’s personal base will shrink to the point where he becomes irrelevant but the MAGA movement itself will try to maintain relevance by finding another leader, one without as much personal and legal baggage. But the most radical elements of the MAGA movement seem to behave as a cult, and any cult needs a charismatic leader who projects strength, demands loyalty, and preaches us-against-evil. Trump filled the bill nicely and it’s unclear who else can. Even if someone with similar traits can be found, Republican infighting and visible incompetence in Congress will probably prevent another such leader from gaining much traction. Ron DeSantis or someone similar will undoubtedly try, but it seems unlikely than anyone will achieve the cult status of Donald J. Trump in the foreseeable future.

Of course it would be incredibly naïve to think that dissolution of the Trump cult could erase the underlying currents of Christian nationalism, racism, economic disparities, and fears of displacement which fuel the right wing today. Unfortunately, those will persist. But with the lack of a cult leader, more equitable economic policy, better educational opportunities for all (including honest recognition of our darkest historical moments), higher-paying green energy jobs, police and prison reform, and the fair rule of law, it might be possible to minimize these currents. Just possible, nowhere near certain. But we can’t give up. The cost is simply too high.

Geeking Out on Memory

Today I recycled about $9 Billion worth of perfectly good computer memory.

Okay, that’s not exactly true; not today anyway. But in 1970 it would have been. Let me explain.

The amount of memory I tossed out today was 16 gigabytes (16 GB) spread over several small circuit cards. In bits, this is 128 gigabits (or 128,000,000,000 bits). In 1970, when solid state dynamic random-access memory (DRAM) first became commercially available, its cost was about 1 cent per bit. So, in 1970, the equivalent DRAM (if it had been available in these quantities) would have cost $1.28 Billion. In today’s dollars, that would be more than $9 Billion.

In 1970, the IBM System/370 model 145 mainframe computer could be configured with as much as 500 kilobytes (0.004 gigabits) of main memory. This system used some of the first DRAM solid state memory available, and that 500 KB of memory would have cost about $40,000 at the time. The entire computer system sold for around $2 Million. The amount of memory I discarded today could have populated about 32,000 of those giant room-sized computers. There were probably fewer than 100 in existence at that time.

If we look back a bit further to the mid to late 1960’s, we would have been using Magnetic Core memory. It’s cost then was about $1/bit. So, at that time, my 16 GB of memory would have set me back $128 Billion and would have occupied about 312,500 cubic feet of space. That is roughly the volume of 55,700 barrels of oil or 2.3 million gallons.

If we venture back even further to the days of vacuum tube-based computers in the 1950s, things get even crazier. Then, a single bit was stored in a plug-in circuit using one tube and a few other components. That single-bit device measured about 5 inches in length by about 1 inch in diameter. Each one consumed somewhere between 5 and 10 watts of power. If I had to put together 16 GB (128Gb) of memory using that technology, it would require somewhere between 640 and 1280 Gigawatts of power. This is roughly the amount created by 32 to 64 Hoover Dams. And the amount of space required? Something over 645,000,000 cubic feet, before allowing for any gaps between the units. Of course, none of this would have been practical by any measure. Even ignoring the astronomical cost and space, the amount of heat produced by all those tubes and their high failure rates would have created an engineering impossibility.

Today, I can go online and buy 16 GB of memory for less than $50 and it would fit on a single circuit card measuring 1.75 X 2.75 inches that would snap into my laptop computer in a matter of minutes. It would consume a couple of watts of power, amounting to about 1 billionth of a Hoover Dam.

So, we’ve come an astounding distance in a short time, technologically speaking. Wouldn’t it be nice if we’d been able to make even a small fraction of that progress in learning to live peacefully together on this planet while taking good care of it? Maybe we still can. We’ve been known to do some amazing things.

We're Not Okay

As the 2022 midterm elections approach, I find myself unhealthily addicted to the news. Each morning I scour a variety of sources, ranging from the Washington Post to Fox News. Looking for what? For some indication, even just a hint, that the last six years have been a bad dream, that we will soon wake up and heave a national sigh of relief. That we’re somehow okay.

But I’m not finding anything like that. Instead, what I see is the rise of Christian Nationalism, Putin’s war on people and truth, Trumpism beyond Trump, violence and threats of violence, false pre-election claims of voter fraud, brazen antisemitism and racism, Q insanity, and underpinning it all: fear and ignorance.

We’re not okay. We’re far from it, and rapidly moving farther.

I worry that I’m not doing anything constructive in the midst of all this, and I’m fighting despair. But I’m not completely idle, either, and I haven’t given up. I’m taking in the beauty of the autumn leaves, I’m hiking with my dog every day, I’m writing another novel. I’m enjoying time with my wife and adult kids. I’m grateful for life. Today I’ll mail in my ballot and letters I’ve written to voters in Pennsylvania via the Vote Forward organization. None of this is likely to have even the slightest impact on the state of the world, but there it is.

Separation of Church and State

This past week, Representative Lauren Boebert (R-Colorado) said out loud what many on the far right only think. She said she is “tired of this separation of church and state junk.” She went further to declare that the “church is supposed to direct the government.” Whether she knew it or not, she was advocating for a theocracy in the United States—something Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-Illinois) immediately derided and described as the equivalent of establishing a “Christian Taliban.”

Boebert’s assertion that the church should direct the state will resonate positively with a significant portion of the evangelical right. Never mind that the Christian New Testament describes a Jesus who never claimed to be a political leader, who advocated paying taxes to the Roman occupiers, who rebuked Peter for trying to forcefully defend him prior to his crucifixion, who claimed that those who “live by the sword will die by the sword.” How does any of this square with pictures we’ve all seen lately of Jesus with an AR-15 slung across his chest? How does it square with another remark by Boebert two weeks ago, that Jesus didn’t have enough AR-15s to “keep his government from killing him?”

For those who agree with Boebert’s views, and there are many—she just won her primary election this past week after making these remarks—elections and the rule of law are mere guidelines, ones that can and should be violated if they go the “wrong” way. Ironically, the conference in Colorado Springs where she made her AR-15 remarks was called “All Things Are Possible,” an oblique reference to several New Testament verses, but, at least in my mind, also an indication of this tendency.

One of the primary founding principles of our nation was the freedom to practice one’s religion of choice. And to guarantee this freedom, the government had to give up all authority to establish a state religion, which of course it did via the First Amendment. Rep. Boebert should find comfort in that. She will never be coerced by the government into practicing something other than her choice of religion. But instead, she and those who agree, advocate exactly that kind of coercion against others.

Sadly, there is some logic behind this. If someone is absolutely certain about the unique veracity of their spiritual beliefs and the societal norms implied by those beliefs, and if they also believe in a God who will violently punish unbelievers (including entire nations), then they will naturally feel an obligation to intervene, even to the extent of establishing a theocracy. Even using violence if necessary. We see this in parts of the Islamic world, and the vast majority of us abhor it in that context. Why not in this one?

The Green Dots of Space-time

The last working analog clock in the house died today at age 28. With regular battery changes, it had been faithfully telling time since 1994 when I received it in recognition for a stint at a startup company. I took it apart but could not diagnose the problem with its tired little motor, so I laid it to rest. In some limited ways I suppose it still experiences time like the rest of the inanimate world, but it no longer artificially divides time into the discrete little ticks we call seconds or builds those into minutes and hours to display for our benefit.

I noticed my clock’s demise just as I sat down to write today. This was eerily appropriate because I was working on a short piece about a recent Celebration of Life for my dear friend, Laurie Rogers. He passed away in February of 2020, but the gathering was postponed for two years because of the Covid pandemic. Sadly, those two years passed without Laurie in them, as will all future years.

Time itself continues like an infinite moving sidewalk carrying our own personal timelines with it, but Dr. Lawrence D. Rogers stepped off the sidewalk two years ago at age 79, having made our lives immeasurably richer while he was on the journey with us. Laurie made us better people through his kindness, his wisdom, his leadership, his humor, and his love. Time knows nothing of these things, but it carries them forward within those of us still on the journey. And if we cooperate, it can do the same for those who follow us.

I was thinking of my friend as I wondered how to use my time the day after his life’s celebration, in the few hours before my flight home. His timeline and mine had overlapped from 1979 through 2020: in a research center in Sorrento Valley, in a small office across a chain-link fence from the Miramar Naval Air Station, at FBI Headquarters in Washington D.C., on the water aboard Laurie’s sailboat named Freelance, and under the water in scuba gear off the coasts of La Jolla and the Coronado Islands of Mexico. This led me to think about my other overlaps, and I set off to revisit a few of the places where those occurred.

I drove up the southern California coast from Del Mar, passing several beaches where I surfed with friends as a young man, remembering the best waves, the best people—the waves long gone and two of the people with them. I ended my northward progress at the last house I owned with my first wife in Carlsbad, taking a picture of it before heading back south. I visited the gravesites of my mother and father in Sorrento Valley and spent time there in quiet contemplation. I stopped by UCSD and walked through the Applied Physics and Mathematics building where I spent four years of my life in the early 1970s. I took pictures of a new house in Pacific Beach on the same lot where I grew up in its predecessor. And finally, I paused at a special place on the coast just south of La Jolla, a spot that Donna and I call “the niche,” where we and our children spent many happy moments.

Imagine a map of the world crisscrossed with a continuous line representing all your travels—a kind of space-time line stretching from the beginning of your life to the present moment—touching places within your house, around your town, your country, the world. Then, overlaying yours, imagine similar lines for each of the people you know. There will be many intersections between yours and theirs, places where you and they have been, but not necessarily concurrently, passing in the night of time. Now imagine the subset of those intersections that are concurrent, that share the same moments in time. Color them green and raise them above the surface of the map like little pushpins. There will be many fewer, but those green four-dimensional intersections are the special ones. They are the points of celebration, friendship, love, conflict, understanding, misunderstanding, opportunities for growth both realized and unrealized, shared life.

During Laurie’s Celebration of Life and a dinner that evening, new green dots had appeared on my map as I shared space and time with old friends and acquaintances, some of whom I hadn’t seen in over forty years. Then, during my drive the next day, I had wanted to re-intersect with parts of my own line. I had wanted to loop back around to experience those places and times again. The former I could physically do. The latter was possible only in my mind, but it felt almost as real. Many little green dots were there amidst the tangle of old lines on my map. Like Laurie’s, a few of the lines had definite endpoints, and no more green dots would ever appear along those. But many lines, like mine, continued forward, future green dots still possible.

Back home again, I removed my deceased clock from its shelf, felt its weight in my hand as if it contained 28 solid years of life, and carefully placed it in a closed cabinet alongside my desk. I don’t need to see it anymore, but I can’t bear to throw it away yet either. It reminds me of the bright green dots at important intersections along my finite little line.

Like Laurie’s and everyone else’s, my line will find its endpoint someday. Not being a theist, I don’t anticipate any form of eternal life, but while I admit that finiteness feels strange at times, it doesn’t scare me. In fact, it has a big upside. It makes this single life, right now, with all its messy tangles and beautiful green dots, that much dearer. It makes it that much more urgent to use time, talents, and resources wisely, and to spread kindness wherever and whenever possible—all things Laurie did so well with his time.

No Rules in War

In a series of text messages made public recently between Virginia Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, and Mark Meadows, Donald Trump’s last Chief of Staff, Thomas says, “the most important thing you can realize right now is that there are no rules in war,” and Meadows seems to agree. This is not among the most overtly QAnon-inspired statements she makes in these exchanges, but it might be the most significant.

That is because it reflects the apocalyptic mindset that Thomas and others on the far right appear to share. When existence itself is threatened, all methods of preserving it are allowed.  Rules, law, even truth itself can be legitimately sidelined. Trump himself said as much in his January 6 speech as he whipped up the crowd to march to the capitol and “fight like hell.” He said, “And fraud breaks up everything, doesn’t it? When you catch somebody in a fraud, you’re allowed to go by very different rules.”

A big difference, in my opinion, between Trump and Thomas is this: Thomas—in her own warped way—probably cares about the country when she says things like Joe Biden attempted “the biggest heist of our history” and that “we are living through what feels like the end of America.” I would argue that Trump feels something similar but much more personal: that he is living through what feels like the end of Trump. Both viewpoints are indicative of powerful existential crises but with vastly different scopes, at least on the surface.

The problem is that Trump, who still exercises enormous power over the Republican Party, doesn’t see any difference between himself and the state. Even more disturbingly, neither does his party.

The combination of a personally threatened narcissistic autocrat with a politically fearful following can be volcanic, and the January 6 insurrection might be only the first eruption to result. We feel the aftershocks nearly every day but the pressure on the red-blue fault line continues to build toward another eruption.

In this connection, the parallels between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are inescapable. Both desperately cling to power. Both instill fear in their followers. Both have incited violence. Both see the fates of their countries and their own personal fates as equivalent. And because of that, both have little regard for the rules of war.

In an ordinary member of society, such conflation of the personal with the political is merely a symptom of individual mental distress. But in a powerful leader with followers like Virginia Thomas, the consequences can be global and devastating.

Feeding The Snake

This morning the Washington Post ran a story with the headline, “Israel’s staunch evangelical allies shocked by Trump’s outburst on Netanyahu.” The title refers to the recent revelation that Trump responded to Netanyahu’s congratulations to Joe Biden after his November 2020 election victory by saying, “Fuck him.”

The significant thing here is not that Trump tossed aside his old “friend” Bibi so harshly over something so minor and diplomatically expected, but that parts of the evangelical community seemed so surprised by it.

Trump gained the respect of a large portion of the right-wing evangelical community when he moved the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem in 2018 and made various other gestures of support for Israel. But what they failed to understand at the time (or perhaps chose to ignore) was that Trump’s moves had nothing to do with religion or ideology but were simply about enlarging his base of adoring followers and feeding his narcissistic hunger.

It seems unlikely that most evangelical Christians really believe Trump is personally in line with their theology, or that he even knows much about it. Instead, they must believe he is an unwitting but powerful means to their ends and that he is being “used by God” for those purposes.

But, at least from my non-evangelical, non-Republican perspective, this seems a very precarious and unwise position. It’s like trusting a rattlesnake in your basement to take care of your home’s rodent problem. Sure, the snake might eat a few rats, but that’s only because he’s hungry, not because he wants to assist you or is being directed by some benevolent force. It’s much simpler than that. He’s a snake and he’ll look after his own needs, not yours. And if you get in his way, he’ll do his best to kill you.

Only He Can Fix It

Most of us tend to think of narcissism as an individual trait affecting only the afflicted. Often, we see narcissists as odd but benign people who are simply “full of themselves.” In extreme cases, we consider such people to be mentally ill, desperately needing help coping with a reality that includes others outside their own skins. But narcissists can often be seen holding court at cocktail parties, corporate events, and political fundraisers. Sometimes they even rise to the highest levels of power. So what is the attraction?

We want to believe in people who claim they can easily solve our deepest and most intractable problems, and we are often willing to forfeit our own agency in the process. Sometimes we even confuse a narcissistic leader with deity and effectively (if unconsciously) redirect the old religious maxim: “Let Go and Let God.”

At our core we might secretly doubt the claims of narcissistic leaders, but we tend to ignore magical thinking in such leaders when it is hidden behind extreme confidence. When we become convinced (often by the leader himself) that we face a crisis and are then confidently handed a simple solution, we are tempted to go with it. When a presidential candidate says, “I alone can fix it” or “Mexico will pay for it,” we ignore the absurdity of these assertions and hand over our power. When that same candidate later leads chants of “Lock her up!” or mocks a disabled reporter or blatantly disrespects a Gold Star family, or incites an insurrection, we shrug our shoulders and continue on. We are so desperate for certainty that we slip into blind servitude.

Narcissism is not just a benign individual affliction. Today, over half of one political party in the United States seems to believe that our duly elected president is illegitimate. Why? Because the previous president declared, well before the 2020 election, that if he were to lose, it could only be due to widespread voter fraud. A national crisis was seeded at that moment, and it was a direct result of Donald J. Trump’s deep narcissism. In his inwardly focused mind, an actual loss was probably unthinkable. As the clearly superior being, he could only win. Any other result would be false and would ultimately be seen as such. His certainty about this was absolute, and the strength of his conviction has now convinced millions of people, against all real evidence, that our electoral system is fatally flawed. Last week, Trump stated that the 2020 election will be overturned and that he will be reinstated as the legitimate president by August of this year. He also suggested that defeated Republican lawmakers will regain their seats along with him. In making these statements, Trump has seeded the next level of crisis.

Ironically, it might now be true that “only he can fix it.” If Trump were finally to concede, and admit he was wrong about electoral fraud, our nation might pull out of its apparent nosedive into irrational conspiracy theories and authoritarianism. But of course Trump will never concede. Being seen as a “loser” is the deep fear fueling his narcissism.

Failing a turnaround from Trump, what can be done to heal our nation and put us back on a rational political track? We appear to be in the midst of a circular crisis which can only be solved from within. The circle looks something like this: Trump sows doubt about an upcoming election and later creates lies about its outcome; right-wing news outlets pick this up and amplify it; the Republican electorate hears the news and many believe it; Republican lawmakers, wanting to stay in power, claim that their constituents “are concerned about irregularities;” Trump hears this and further amplifies the news, claiming things like “everyone knows what’s going on;” the electorate hears Trump’s new assertions and becomes even more convinced; the cycle repeats.

Breaking this cycle requires one or more of its components to drop out or, better still, to actively reverse course. Unfortunately, each component has a vested interest in maintaining the cycle. Trump himself craves the attention, news outlets want to expand their viewership, lawmakers fear alienating their constituents and losing power, and the constituents themselves are faced with something that increasingly feels to them like a national existential crisis.

Even so, it might be that local Republican lawmakers have already sown the seeds of their own demise and might therefore be unwitting contributors to the cycle’s death. Seeing the opportunity to restrict voting among people of color, the poor and the young (and thereby increase Republican chances), they have initiated several voting “audits,” the most notorious of which is the one in Maricopa County, Arizona. The stated purpose of these audits is to increase voter confidence in the system by rooting out fraud. In fact, the idea is to decrease confidence so that support grows for new voter suppression laws aimed at keeping right-wing Republicans in power. So why might these audits work against them?

I admit that the key word above is “might.” Cyclic conspiracy theories are highly resilient in the face of facts. Still, simple embarrassment might be the key. Melanie Mason of the LA Times this morning reported on staunchly conservative radio talk show host, Mike Broomhead, who has been a strong supporter of the Arizona audit. He no longer is. This was his warning to officials overseeing the Arizona audit: “You’re turning this into the clown show that you’ve been accused of… You’re turning this into the side show at the state fair.” The article goes on to state, “An increasingly vocal share of Arizona Republicans see the recount as an act of self-sabotage, creating an albatross for statewide candidates in the run-up to a pivotal election year.”

Admittedly, even if this particular cycle is broken from within, others will almost certainly arise. Fear of displacement, loss of identity, and longing for a comfortable but largely fictitious past, will continue to enable such things. It remains to be seen whether Trump’s inevitable failure to be reinstated in August will contribute to the embarrassment of his party or whether his deep narcissism will once again kickstart a destructive cycle.

 

Post-Surgical Gratitude

Last Thursday, I underwent some planned cardiac surgery: a Mitral Valve Repair, a CryoMaze ablation to treat atrial fibrillation/flutter, and a Left Atrial Appendage sew-over.

The surgeon, Dr. Craig Hampton, of Franciscan Cardiothoracic Surgery Associates in Tacoma, proved to be both highly skilled and caring. I owe him an enormous debt of gratitude for ushering me into a new phase of active and productive life.

The nursing and PA folks at the hospital were incredible, getting me up and walking from day one, holding me to a rigorous medication schedule, dealing with the myriad of attached medical equipment, keeping me emotionally stable and unable to refuse even the twice-daily shots of Heparin in the stomach. The gratitude I owe these nurses and PAs is absolutely on par with that owed the surgeon himself.

Donna has been amazing. She has been her usual warm and loving self and has also worked hard to keep me on my post-op med schedule and exercise routine. She has gently but firmly helped pull me back into life at exactly the right pace. I can’t tell you how overwhelmingly beautiful it was to see her walk into my room at the hospital on discharge day this past Monday.

All our Kodama Farm “kids” – Ben, Gracie and Matt – have been so loving and supportive and have also provided much-needed practical help, sharing Donna’s dog-walking and shopping tasks. Their encouraging presence has meant the world to me, as I know it has to Donna.

Friends and family, both local and across the nation, have been enormously supportive and this has meant so much to me. I don’t think the practical healing effects of this kind of support are usually given enough credit.

My cousin, Steve, a cardiologist at the Cleveland Clinic, has provided extremely valuable advice and counsel over the past few years and I am exceedingly grateful for that. He has made other expertise and resources at the Clinic available as well, helping me arrive at the right choice of surgeon and surgical approach.

Finally, but with no less gratitude, I want to say how absolutely amazing my future daughter-in-law, Katie, has been during this whole process, from well before surgery and on into recovery. Katie is a nurse herself, so that is a huge bonus, but the healing effects of her personal help (driving, future suture removal, shopping, staying with Donna) along with her warm steadying presence and expertise, would be nearly impossible to over-state.

So, with love and gratitude to all, back to the joy of living!

Alone With a Meta 4

This one is more personal essay than story. It is autobiographical and therefore unavoidably geeky in some respects. So with that forewarning, here it is:

Alone with a Meta 4
Don Thompson

In 1971 there were only two things that could get me out of bed at 3:30 in the morning: a surf trip up the coast and a chance to be alone with a Meta 4. What’s a surf trip, you may ask? Just kidding.

I was a Computer Science undergraduate at the University of California, San Diego, and, as shocking as it may seem, that kind of study wasn’t considered the coolest thing to do at the time. The UCSD campus was alive with Vietnam war protests, debates about the evils of capitalism and the threat of over-population, civil rights, and the revolt of the students. Herbert Marcuse’s graduate student, Angela Davis, held rallies in the quad and my Sociology professor, with hair down to his waist and appropriately named Dr. Wild, established a commune in the surrounding eucalyptus groves. While I was aware of all this and in sympathy with some of it, I wasn’t politically mature enough or brave enough to be much of a participant. I stayed on the edge of the action, except to the extent that my sociology and psychology classes brought me into contact with some of the people and ideas of the day.

But whatever it might imply about my idealism (or lack of it), I found myself drifting away from the so-called soft sciences and into the hard ones. I made a move toward Electrical Engineering but was immediately distracted by an introductory Computer Science class using a language called ALGOL running on a massive Burroughs 6700 mainframe in a glass-enclosed, raised-floor, 3000 square foot air-conditioned room. Distracted, then completely and utterly captivated, I volunteered as a teaching assistant for the same class soon after that first exposure. There was something about the idea of personally injecting a little piece of intelligence into the soul of a machine that eventually made me trade mornings in the surf for mornings with a Meta 4.

But before I can explain that particular insanity, I need to fill in a bit of background for you. In the early 70s, there were still very few people in the world who actually interacted with computers, and at that point in the evolution of the field, the majority of this small population only did so at arm’s length. Software was created by writing cryptic statements on paper coding sheets which were handed to a keypunch operator who created cards with punched holes representing the characters on the original sheets. The resulting deck of cards was then handed back to the programmer who carefully checked them, filled out an accounting form, and submitted the cards across a counter to a computer operator who was a minor deity in the local computing pantheon. Then, sometime in the next several minutes, hours, or perhaps next Thursday, depending upon the priority of the programmer’s account, the behind-the-counter demigod loaded the deck into a card reader about the size of refrigerator laid on its side and attempted to rescue the cards in their original order when they spewed out the other end.

Deck size mattered. It correlated strongly with the status of the programmer in this odd little society. Size implied complexity and complexity implied intelligence (often falsely). Soon it became more fashionable, more reliable, and a lot easier to carry around a 14-inch reel of 9-track magnetic tape instead of a large metal tray of cards. The tape could be updated with changes introduced by smaller decks of cards as the need arose. Even though a reel of tape made program size invisible to the casual onlooker, it lent an air of sophistication and maturity to its owner. It seemed to say, “Here is something important, maybe even novel, and definitely complex – I’ve just gotten to the point where I don’t need to flaunt it anymore.”

But back to the software development process, such as it was. Without going into the details of software tools like compilers, assemblers, and interpreters, let’s just say that programs must be automatically translated from human-readable form into more machine-specific forms before they can be executed by a computer. And the programmer’s original code must be completely unambiguous and correct. It must be syntactically correct to run at all, and it must be semantically correct to do what the programmer intended.

Novice programmers learning a new language often had to endure several embarrassing passes across the demigod’s counter, sometimes burning hours or days before their syntax became acceptable (i.e., perfect). An omitted semicolon or parenthesis could result in several cryptic error messages later in the code, none of which pointed directly to the original cause of the problem.

Having finally ironed out the syntax errors, programmers then faced the much deeper challenge of validating their code against their intentions. Did they really understand the problem they wanted to solve, and had they created something that actually solved it? Did the program have any unintended side-effects? Was it efficient enough? Did it work against all forms of data that the programmer expected to give it? Had all possible paths through the code been tested? In short, did this thing do what the programmer intended? Needless to say, this whole process can take a long time when a demigod stands between you and the machine you ultimately hope to control.

So you might be able to imagine my elation (okay, please just try) when I learned that I would be gaining sole, uninterrupted access to a computer system, albeit a much smaller one occupying only about 150 square feet of floor space, for several hours each week. I had been lucky to serve as a teaching assistant for Jef Raskin, who years later would go on to lead the first Macintosh development team at Apple. At UCSD he had recently invented a simple programming language called FLOW for use in his computer-based visual arts classes. As a project for another class, I proposed to implement Raskin’s language from scratch, on a computer for which it wasn’t originally designed.

This computer was built by a local San Diego company called Digital Scientific and was dubbed the “Meta 4.” It was housed in a small lab on the fifth floor of the Applied Physics and Information Science building on the UCSD Revelle College campus, and I was given a key to the lab. Now this might not sound like a big deal, but from four to eight, three mornings a week, it freed me from the tyranny of the demigod, letting me directly control a machine and, to some extent, my own destiny. Alone with a Meta 4, I could create, test, fix, and re-create several iterations of my software each morning.

In a loose sense, the Meta 4 served as a metaphor for other machines because, as its name directly indicated, it was a meta-machine: a computer describing another computer. It was one of the first commercial computers specifically designed to emulate the instruction sets of other more widely used machines, and this particular one was configured to emulate an IBM 1130. So the code I wrote to build the FLOW interpreter was not the native Meta 4 microcode; it was IBM 1130 assembler code. This was a low-level language in which each symbolic instruction translated directly into a set of binary digits, ones and zeros, which represented the native machine language of the 1130.

My goal was to allow people to interactively create programs, not in this cryptic code but in the much simpler, English-like FLOW language. They would type FLOW statements on the Meta 4’s console and my software would help them with their syntax as they went along, and then would interpret a collection of those statements to produce results. So, in effect, FLOW was being interpreted by my IBM 1130 assembler code which was being interpreted by the Meta 4’s own microcode, and finally executed by its unique hardware deeply hidden under three layers of digital metaphors.

Today, the Apple Watch on my wrist is at least 10,000 times more powerful than that old Meta 4, and infinitely more useful. The languages used to implement the watch’s features are immeasurably more complex and capable than the forgotten little language called FLOW. The now-familiar metaphor of colorful icons on a desktop (or watch face), the illusion of multiple overlapping windows on a screen, the annoying advertising video embedded in a web page, the data analysis used to encourage your next online purchase, and the budding artificial intellects of Alexa, Siri and Cortana are each created by millions of unseen computer instructions – some operating on our personal devices and others quietly doing their real-time magic on machines located elsewhere in the world. The development, testing and debugging tools available to software engineers creating these wonders today would have seemed dream-like, if not flat-out miraculous, to anyone working in the early 70s.

Even so, In the decades since my mornings with the Meta 4, there have only been a handful of times when I’ve felt anything close to the empowerment and awe that greeted me each time I unlocked that lab at four in the morning. I had been alone with a quasi-intelligence pretending to be an IBM 1130 pretending to be a Jef Raskin FLOW machine. I could slog through all the raw, grungy, behind-the-scenes details but still wholeheartedly agree with Arthur C. Clarke’s statement that “any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”

One summer day in the year following my Meta 4 mornings, I found myself paddling out at Black’s Beach, gazing at the rippled surface of the sandy ocean floor as a clear, glassy swell passed beneath me. Looking up, I could see the next set of waves building just outside the last break and could imagine my next ride; but I could not foresee how computer science would utterly transform society in the years to come. I tried, but like most of us, my ponderings were much too linear and my extrapolations embarrassingly derivative. And they still are. We delude ourselves by thinking we’re in complete control of our creations when, more often than we might want to admit, we’re just along for the exhilarating but unpredictable ride.

For the foreseeable future (note major caveat above), we will still be the highest-level entities in this pile of abstractions we’re creating and will therefore retain at least some degree of control. But since the beginning of the digital revolution, we’ve been obsessed with the metaphorical aspects of this. From the early 1950s, the popular press loved to refer to our new machines as “electronic brains” and we’ve relentlessly anthropomorphized the evolving technology ever since.

The “easy” parts are coming along nicely. We’re creating truly useful robots to handle tasks we either don’t like or cannot do, and in some restricted forms of conversation, Alexa can now arguably pass the Turing Test. This test was suggested by Alan Turing in 1950 to provide one simple criterion for deciding whether a machine could “think.” If a person exchanging written messages with an entity hidden in another room could not reliably tell whether that entity was another human or a machine, then Turing declared that entity to be intelligent. More recently, several researchers have proposed various upgrades to the Turing Test, implying that AI technology has progressed enough to warrant more demanding criteria.

Certainly progress has been astounding. But the hard part, the holy grail, isn’t just artificial intelligence; it is artificial consciousness or machine self-awareness, and we seem driven toward that ultimate goal. Some say we’ll never get there, arguing from either a scientific or a spiritual standpoint. Some say we shouldn’t get there, again arguing from one or the other perspective. And underlying all arguments are centuries of debate about the true nature of consciousness and the mind.

Even if it turns out – as some theorists suggest – that consciousness is just an “emergent property” that naturally arises out of sufficient complexity, linear thinking tells us that our current technology isn’t likely to get us very far down that road. After all, despite phenomenal advances in the last few decades, there are physical limits to the number of transistors we can cram onto a chip as well as practical constraints on the kinds of algorithms that can take advantage of massive parallelism (multiple cores on a chip, multiple chips in a system, multiple systems in a network). But this is linear thinking.

If recent breakthroughs in quantum computing are any indication, we might be in for some seriously non-linear advancements in our ability to create enormously complex systems sometime in the next ten to twenty years. If this happens, we will be compelled to push the human-machine metaphor even further. It will be fascinating, exhilarating, and existentially risky.

When that time comes, will humanity still be the best metaphor to employ? Are humans really the appropriate model? Are we “good” enough in all the important ways? And if not, will our creations work to form a deeper synthesis with us, or will they simply think us unworthy of the effort?

In either case, we will no longer be alone when we unlock our labs at four in the morning. But how will it feel, or will we even take note, the first time we answer that door from the inside?

The Trainer

Here’s an ultra-short story, a little sketch I had some fun with.

The Trainer

Don Thompson

I arrived at the gym just before the doors opened, not because I enjoyed getting up at 5:30 but because I could usually make it through the workout unimpeded and unobserved by others at that hour. I was often the only sweating soul there, silently counting reps and sets, working diligently toward the goal of leaving.

And sure, fitness was a motivator too; but I had to constantly remind myself that each pull on the stack of weights was a positive step in that direction and not just another step toward the shower. This wasn’t easy because in my late-sixties progress was slow and hard to see. But I persisted because I did see some, not at a level where anyone else might notice, but some. A little. Enough to keep me coming back.

And on this particular morning I was enjoying small stirrings of confidence and faint echoes of youth as I got up in the dark, put on shoes, sweatpants and a T-shirt. After a quick cup of coffee, I was out the door, in the car, and at the gym. But something didn’t feel quite right as I struggled out of the driver’s seat. My phone, with its vast collection of tunes to help me through the workout, had apparently slipped out of my side pocket. It took a few minutes to locate the device and fish it out from between the seat and the center console, but there it was and off I went, walking fast, trying to make up for lost time.

As I breezed into the weight room, earbuds in place with The Eagles standing by to musically coax me through the workout, I noticed that someone was already there. I had seen her twice before – a personal trainer, probably in her early forties, blond, beautiful, and in amazing shape. But this time she was there on her own, without a trainee. We nodded to each other as she walked over to a pull-up bar and proceeded to execute more of the wretched things than I could do in a week. I noticed, partly with envy and partly with appreciation, the muscles in her tan back and arms flexing with each pull.

Getting down to business doing bicep curls with five pounds more than my usual selection, I heard Glenn Frey in my earbuds belting out, “It’s a girl my lord, in a flat-bed Ford, slowing down to take a look at me.” Uh huh. Sure. I adjusted the phone in my pocket as it threatened to slip out again.

The trainer finished her set and moved on to the next machine over on my side of the room. She smiled and seemed to do a little double-take as she looked at me. I smiled back.

“Looks like it’s gonna be another beautiful day out there,” she said.

“Yeah, should be nice,” I responded, enjoying the attention.

“You ever do any kayaking around here?” she continued. “Should be a perfect day for it.”

“Actually, yeah. I, uh, we, have a couple of kayaks at the house,” I replied, knowing that the boats had been lying overturned and unused for months. “I’ll probably get out on the water today.”

“Sounds good. Probably see you out there sometime.” I thought I saw her pause just slightly, as if she wanted to ask me something but then thought better of it.

“Yep,” I managed, trying to eke out the last curl in the set without revealing too much effort.

She finished her workout before I did, adjusted her long blond ponytail, and waved over her shoulder as she left the room with a cute little laugh.

You’re such an idiot, I reflected. Still, that was nice.

I finished up my last set of crunches, wiped down the machine, and headed for the door. But again, something was wrong with that annoying phone. Stuffing it back into place, I noticed that the pocket seemed to slope at the wrong angle. I looked down.

The front of my sweatpants seemed oddly saggy and the pockets slanted awkwardly forward. Confused, I felt around the back of the waistband and discovered the drawstring there. That explained a few things.

Coffee With Lisa

Lately I’ve been challenging myself to learn more about the art of writing the short-short story. So I’ve been reading a lot of good ones and making a few attempts at my own. The basic idea is to set a scene and tell a complete story in an ultra-short format. Here’s one of mine called…

Coffee With Lisa

Don Thompson

 

I ducked out of the cold rain into the low-lit warmth of my favorite coffee place but immediately regretted the move. Plotting a quick exit, I was stopped by a simple case of self-consciousness; if I left now, I’d look ridiculous. There were plenty of places to sit, no line at the counter, no obvious reason to turn around and walk out. But come on – really? Who would even notice, or give a rat’s ass if they did?

The reason for my panic was Lisa. I marveled at her ability – even after two years – to make me feel like a trapped animal. There she was, her red hair in striking contrast with the black leather chair where she sat with her back to me, tapping through pages on an iPad.  I would recognize her slim lines, straight posture, knotted ponytail, and frenetic web-browsing style anywhere. It was definitely Lisa.

I can order my extra-hot double tall with-whip mocha quietly and get out before she notices me, I reasoned. Or I can look at my phone, shake my head and stride out now, feigning impatient importance. Yes, an excellent option. I reached for my phone.

“Can I get something started for you, sir?” asked a smiling barista, eliminating any possibility of an uncomplicated exit. Defeated, I walked up to the counter and ordered in a voice low enough to avoid alerting Lisa but not so quiet as to prompt another question from the barista. After paying for the drink, I stole over to the newspaper rack and pretended to study the front page of the Seattle Times while waiting for the hiss of the espresso machine to release me back onto the street with hot caffeine in hand.

“Ted?” I heard from Lisa’s general direction behind my back. “Ted, is that you?”

Shit. 

I turned around. “Lisa, hey, wow, great to see you!” 

She walked over, her smiling green eyes pinning me to the spot like a collected moth. She gave me a peck on the cheek and looked me over. “Good to see you too, Ted. You look good.”

“Thanks; you look amazing, as usual.”

She shrugged – a gesture I had always interpreted as “Yeah, I know” – and pointed toward the back of the room. “I’ve got a spot over there next to the fireplace. You have a few minutes?  Sit and talk?”

“Sure, I’ve got all the time in the world.”

Now why do I do that, I asked myself. Why can’t I just tell the truth? “Lisa,” I should say, “I’m in a huge hurry this morning, already late for a meeting with my agent. Another time maybe?”

Okay, that would be a lie too, but at least it would be an honest one.

“Extra-hot double tall with-whip mocha,” the barista announced, and handed me the drink. “You two enjoy!”

 I followed Lisa to the fireplace and settled into my assigned chair. Taking a careful sip of steaming mocha, I looked up, swallowed, and smiled.

“So,” she began. “how’s life post-Lisa?” 

“Oh, not bad, I guess. You?  How’re you doing?”

“Never been better. I landed a marketing position with a biotech startup right here in Seattle.”

“Really? That’s great, Lisa. You’ll be a natural.”

“You think so?”

“Oh yeah, definitely. I can really see you going places with that.”

“I hope so. It seems like a good move so far. Lots of hours, hard work, but tons of opportunity to move up. Great stock options, fired-up people. So, what about you? Are you still working on that novel? Seeing anyone?”

“What part of that do you want me to answer first?” I asked.

“Whatever.” Lisa brushed a few stray hairs back over an ear.

“Okay, yes, I’m still working on the novel. It’s moving along again and I’m pretty happy with it. I don’t know how my agent’s gonna feel about it, you never know, but I think it’s got some real substance.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“The second part?”

“Of the book?” I smiled.

Lisa gave me her best hands-on-hips frown.

“The answer’s yes. I am seeing someone.”

“Good. Good for you. What’s she like? She pretty?”

“Look, I’m really not that comfortable talking about this, okay?”

“Hey Ted, come on, it’s me. Talk to me.”

I took another sip of coffee and sighed. “Right, well, her name’s Claire, and yeah, I think she’s very pretty. Smart too, and one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. We get along great.”

“Really? What’s she do?”

“She’s a writer.”

“Ah.”

“What, you think that’s weird?”

“No, it’s just that, well, I don’t know. It sounds a little boring, you both doing the same thing and all.”

“It’s not boring, Lisa.”

“Good. That’s good. We don’t want boring, right? Life’s too short.”

“Right. Funny you should mention that. Claire just published a collection of short-short stories by that name: Life’s Too Short. And she’s always been a little sensitive about being so petite herself, so it kind of works on a bunch of levels.”

“Come on, Ted, you need to jump off the deep end more often. Things either work or they don’t, right? None of this ‘kind of’ crap.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes things just aren’t that binary. Most of the time, probably.”

“See – that’s what I’m talking about! That’s why you and I never totally worked.” Lisa finished her coffee and stared across me toward an empty chair.

“Does any relationship ever totally work? Every day? All the time?” I asked, sitting up a bit straighter.

“Well, not every single second, but...”

“Okay then.”

Lisa glanced at her phone and stood up. “Oh, hey, look at the time. Sorry Ted, but I’m gonna miss my next meeting if I don’t run. Maybe we could talk more another time?”

“Maybe…  No, actually, I don’t think so.”

“What?”

I shook my head and stood up, facing her. “Best of luck with that job, Lisa, and with everything else.”

Lisa’s eyes widened and her mouth opened, but no words came. She looked beautifully human and I almost tumbled into her momentary softness. But instead, I felt a sad smile form on my face and managed to hold it long enough for her to understand. She turned, and with one final glance over her shoulder, Lisa was gone.

I sank back into my soft leather chair and gazed into the fire, feeling my pulse subside and enjoying the last ounces of concentrated sweetness at the bottom of my cup. Maybe I’ll order a decaf and stay a bit longer. It’s peaceful here by the fire and I’ve got all the time in the world.

Another Year, Another Acquittal

To borrow one of Donald Trump’s favorite phrases, his second impeachment trial will be one “the likes of which we’ve never seen.” If he were to make this statement himself, it would be one of his few true ones. He will be the first president to have been tried twice in the Senate on impeachment charges, and it appears he is on track to be acquitted twice as well.

The single article of Trump’s second impeachment is for “incitement of insurrection” and is supported by a vast array of publicly available evidence. If this were a criminal trial with a jury of peers instead of a political trial with the Senate as Jury, it would be hard to imagine anything but a conviction. But, given the Senate’s requirement of a 66% vote and the presence of a large Trump contingent, it seems that a conviction is anything but likely. Ironically, some senators who will vote for acquittal were also personally endangered during the Capitol attack. Even so, they apparently do not see Trump’s attempt to remain in power via incitement of violence as an impeachable offense. As many have recently pointed out, if this is not such an offense, then what is?

The attack itself appears to have been motivated by two related things: Trump’s lie that the 2020 election was stolen from him, and unconditional loyalty to Trump himself. The combination of these two things has proven to be insanely powerful. Whether or not Republican supporters of the former president subscribe to conspiracy theories like QAnon or believe that Trump was placed in power by God, most seem to have traded adherence to values for adherence to the man himself. This is classic cult behavior and has no place in a functional republic like the United States. It is much more in line with a nationalistic, authoritarian system or even a pure dictatorship.

Some will offer a more traditional (if disingenuous) explanation for the behavior of our Republican elected officials. Some will say that members of the House and Senate are simply trying to be faithful representatives of their constituents, that they must vote according to the will of their people regardless of their own personal leanings. But, as some analysts have recently pointed out, we elect our politicians not simply to represent us but also to employ a certain amount of wisdom in doing so.

The “faithful representative” argument clearly has merit, but it also hides blind ambition and fear. While it is true that working to stay in office is a great motivator and is part of a healthy political system, it corrupts the system when it becomes the singular focus. This is especially true when politicians knowingly promote self-serving lies, influencing their constituents from positions of high visibility and power. Once influenced, constituents loudly echo these lies and their faithful representatives then happily vote accordingly, thus completing an insidious loop of disinformation. Trump and his supporters in Congress have become masters of this non-virtuous cycle.

So we will likely see another Trump acquittal in the next one to two weeks. All Democrats and a small handful of principled Republicans will probably vote for Trump’s conviction but, unfortunately, there will be enough Republicans who, despite overwhelming evidence, will vote for acquittal. They will stand up for their cult leader, either because they themselves are under his sway or because they are afraid of losing his base of voters. I’m not sure which is worse.

Maslow's Basement

When I first created this blog, my goal was to write about writing and to include some of my own short fiction. But then 2020 happened.

Now that we’re into 2021 with the Odious Orange One relegated to the sidelines, there are several good reasons for hope. So at least for a while, I plan to return to my original intent.

Starting today I’ll be posting a few original short-short stories having nothing to do with politics. These are little bite-sized works of fiction, much shorter than typical short stories. Today’s story is called “Maslow’s Basement.” I hope you enjoy it.

Maslow’s Basement
Don Thompson

At least the dreams were gone.  Nightmares, mostly.  But yes, it was true, the dreams had also disappeared.  Roger Carrington pushed aside the cardboard flap of his makeshift shelter and peered into a drizzly, gray Seattle morning beneath the freeway overpass.  A seagull flew in with a raucous cry, banked and landed on the dirt a few yards away, looking toward Roger with one eye. Water dripped from the sides of the roadway above and formed several muddy pools naturally marking the boundaries of the little village which hosted two other cardboard shanties and a dark green army surplus tent. The hum and whish of wet traffic overhead was more effective than any alarm clock Roger had ever owned, not that he needed one anymore.

What he did need were basic things.  He needed to pee – that would have to be first.  Finding something to eat would be next.  The deli down on Second Avenue was always a good bet around two or three after lunch cleanup, but mornings were tougher.  Along the way, he could fill up the water bottle at the park and maybe stop at the bench to check in with the speechless old man he’d nicknamed Tex.

Roger crawled out and struggled to his sixty-year-old feet.  They were okay.  Legs and knees were fine, too.  It was just the back.  His lower back rebelled against the hard sleeping conditions.  Roger straightened it slowly and winced with a sharp catch as he came to his full six-and-a-half-foot height.  He ran a hand through his long gray hair and thought about a shower.  That would be outstanding.  A long, hot shower.  A good goal for the week.

Goals? What a joke. Can’t get a job without a mailing address, not even as a dishwasher at the deli, and can’t get an address without a job. As he peed against the concrete freeway support, Roger shook his head and felt a laugh escape in a single snort.  He used to structure his whole life around goals.  Measurable ones.  Tough but achievable ones.  Strategic goals and objectives for the whole damn company.  If you don’t know where you’re going, you’re liable to end up there.  He’d spouted that and similarly vacuous platitudes a hundred times in executive staff meetings.  He had to laugh; he’d ended up there anyway.

Roger drank all but the last ounce of water and splashed that on his face.  He rubbed it in with both hands and dried off with his pulled-up T-shirt.  The corporate logo on the bottle seemed to mock him and he’d nearly thrown the damn thing away more than once but stopped himself because it was made of stainless steel and would last a good long time. 

Time was the most valuable possession he had now. In fact, Roger mused, it always had been – he just hadn’t seen it. Friends were a related regret. There hadn’t been time for them, so now, predictably, they were nowhere to be found.  There had only been time for business allies, board members and investors.  But Roger no longer had what those people needed, so they were gone too.

But he wasn’t alone. There was Ted over by the parking lot, Carlos standing on the corner, and Mary, sipping coffee outside her tent under the overpass, a rough green blanket drawn up over her knees.

For the first few weeks, Carlos barely acknowledged Roger’s presence. Mary was suspicious, and Ted, like old Tex over at the park, was too mentally impaired to hold a conversation. But Ted smiled at Roger every morning, and Roger returned the favor by bringing him extra discarded food from the deli. Before long, he began to share with the others too, and a family of sorts began to take shape. Mary was the last to join in, but it took more than food to earn her trust.

One bitterly cold day in November, someone in a Jeep handed Roger a new down jacket. It looked warmer than the old cotton-lined thing he had, and when he put it on, he felt like a new man. But later that day, when he got back to the overpass, he noticed Mary sitting just inside her tent, wrapped in her coarse wool blanket, smoking a cigarette and staring straight ahead. Roger knew she wasn’t moving because she didn’t want to lose any of the warm air she’d managed to trap under that blanket. He guessed that Mary was somewhere in her mid-forties but she looked twenty years older that day, her long stringy hair already graying as it hung out from under her blue wool cap.

He approached her tent directly so she could easily see who was coming. When he got within a few feet of her, he stopped and nodded. Mary nodded back, unsmiling. Roger took off his new jacket and held it out to her, feeling the icy breeze once again. “Here,” he said. “It’s too small for me.”

Mary looked up and squinted. “What do you want?”

The question surprised Roger and it took him a moment to answer. “Nothing,” he said. “You looked cold.”

Mary glanced down at her feet, then back up. “Thank you.”

Roger thought he saw the beginnings of a smile as Mary took the coat from him. He smiled back and walked over to his shelter on the far side of the overpass.

Roger was thinking about that day as he passed Mary’s tent on this cool, wet spring morning. She wore that same down jacket with her blanket over her knees. No surprise. Roger couldn’t remember a time in the last few weeks he’d seen her without the jacket, even when the temperature rose into the fifties. That made him smile broadly as he waved to her. She smiled back and motioned for him to come sit with her.

“Hey, Rog.”

“Hey, Mary. How’re you doing this morning?” Roger sat down slowly with a hand on his sore back.

“Okay. Guess I’ve been better.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. My mother died yesterday.”

“Damn. I’m sorry. Were you close?”

“No, but still.”

Roger nodded and stared off toward the downtown office buildings. “Yeah, still. I get it. Your father?”

“I haven’t seen him since I was five or six. He’s long gone.”

“Any brothers or sisters?”

“A brother. That’s how I heard. He drops off a note every now and then, sometimes with a few bucks. Hands an envelope to Carlos from his car.”

“He doesn’t just give it to you directly? Stop and talk for a minute? Get you the hell out of here?”

“He stopped by my tent once, over a year ago. But his wife, the bitch, made him promise never to do that again.”

“And he just follows orders?”

“I know, right? But he’s always been like that. She’s got him by the balls.”

“What’s his name?”

“Tim.”

“Hmm, if Tim’s got a car, he’s probably got enough money to get you out of here. Find you a place to stay – at least a room or a couch at his place.”

“Not gonna happen as long as the bitch is breathing. What about you? You got any relatives?” asked Mary.

“Nope. Don’t have any siblings and both parents are gone. My dad died of a heart attack when he was fifty and mom passed a couple years later. Cancer.”

“I’m really sorry. Any friends out there?”

“Hah! Not anymore. Actually, I’m not sure I ever had any. Business partners, employees, competitors, enemies, but nobody I’d call a real friend. Well, maybe Jolene; she was my admin assistant.”

“Uh-oh.”

“No, it wasn’t like that. Not at all. It’s just that she was the only one I could talk to honestly about the business. She was a good listener. And she knew how to pull ideas out of me. I really miss her.”

Mary took off her wool cap, ran a hand through her hair and put it back on. “Ever been married?”

“Once, a long time ago. It didn’t last more than a year. I just wasn’t around much – always confused urgent things with important things. You know what I mean?”

“Not really, no.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. It’s all in the past.”

“The past, yeah. I try not to think too much about that,” said Mary. She pulled her blanket tighter around her knees and glanced around their little encampment under the freeway. “It’s too depressing. You ever wish you could change something back then? Something that would make all this go away?”

“All the time. I made a stupid mistake. Ended up in prison after I tried to dump a bunch of stock in my own company a year after we went public and just before we lost a huge contract. I knew the loss was coming. I made my move and the SEC caught me.”

“So you lost a lot of money?”

“Everything. Money, cars, house, boat, reputation. Nobody’ll hire a felon. The company went down and hundreds of people lost their jobs because of me.”

“You were kind of a shithead, sounds like.”

Roger laughed and nodded. “Yeah, kind of a shithead. Still am, I guess. The good thing is I can’t do much damage here.”

Mary smiled. “Well that’s something. Want a cigarette? I found a full pack yesterday down by the park.”

“Thanks, but that’s one good thing I managed to do – kicked the habit a long time ago. You should too, you know.”

“Nah. I can’t do that,” said Mary. “It’s my one and only pleasure in life. And besides, maybe it’ll kill me. Sometimes I think sooner’d be better than later.”

“You don’t really mean that.”

“Yeah, I do. Some of the time. Maybe most of the time. I mean, look at me. Look at us. Living in the fucking basement of Maslow’s triangle.”

“You know about Maslow?”

“I have a psych degree from UW.”

“Really?”

“I know. Hard to believe, right?”

“What happened?”

“You don’t wanna know.”

“Actually, yeah, I do.”

“Hmm. Maybe another day.”

“Sure, okay.” Roger got back to his feet and turned to leave. “And I’m really sorry about your Mom,” he said over his shoulder.

“Thanks.”

Roger ambled over to Carlos’s corner. “Buenos Dias, amigo,” he said.

“Hey, how’s the old man?” said Carlos.

“Not dead yet. You?”

“I’ve been better, been worse. Made ten bucks already and only been flipped off once.”

“Yeah? Not too bad. That same jerk in the white seven-series?”

“That’s the guy.”

“Asshole.”

“Yeah. Hey, light’s changed. Here comes the next batch,” said Carlos.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it. It’s your corner.”

“Thanks, man. Good luck today.”

“You, too.”

Roger had learned about territories a few days after he first came to the overpass. A man’s corner is like his bank account. You don’t mess with it. He crossed the street, heading for the park with water bottle in hand.

It’s funny the little things that matter the most, he thought. The little essentials you hold in your head. The drinking fountain in the park, for one. The locations of public restrooms around town. The few hotel bathrooms you can sometimes sneak into – those are the best. The dumpsters with the cleanest food and the best times to check them. The guys to stay away from.

Roger paused at the drinking fountain and took in the morning park scene as he filled his water bottle. Wet grass, dripping trees, Tex asleep on his bench and covered with black plastic trash bags against the rain. Roger had tried to talk to Tex a couple of times before, but all he could get was a questioning stare from the brown wizened face under the tan cowboy hat as if the poor fellow was trying to remember something or someone important. This morning, Roger decided to keep moving. He’d bring Tex something to eat on his way back.

He walked on, passing people in the street who seemed to be in a serious hurry to get to their offices, to nurture customers and kill competitors. It was pretty much that simple, Roger reflected. He avoided eye contact and kept moving; he had an agenda, too. The breakfast place down on Pike was sometimes good for a handout if he happened to catch the right busboy in the alley at just the right time.

Later than morning, Roger finished his rounds and made his way back toward the overpass. He’d managed a pretty good haul, enough to feed the family for a couple of days and something extra for Tex. Even a discarded paperback for Mary. But as he approached the park, Roger picked up his pace at the sight of flashing blue lights painting the trees against the cloudy sky. A medical examiner’s van blocked the path and someone was moving a body on a stretcher. A tan cowboy hat sat alone on the park bench. Black trash bags lay on the ground, now nothing more than trash themselves.

Roger stopped. The man on the stretcher had a story, and like everyone else’s, it had a beginning, a middle, and an end. And here was the end, the only part Roger knew anything about. He didn’t even know the man’s real name. What about the rest of the story? Had it all been about survival or had the man picked up a few unique bits of wisdom along the way? If so, had he passed those along to anyone else? Had he made a difference of any kind? Or was his legacy nothing more than a freed-up park bench, now available for someone with a similar fate?

Roger shook his head slowly, picked up the cowboy hat, and headed home.

Much More Than Relief

Thinking back to 1974 when Nixon resigned in disgrace, there was a strong sense of relief in the nation. We felt that yesterday, too. But the experience for most of us went well beyond relief. For the outgoing president, there was no resignation, no admission of defeat; only a hollow self-congratulatory farewell event planned by the man himself.

In sharp contrast, our new President and Vice President stood at the center of a joyful, hope-filled celebration. And yet, they never placed themselves at the center. They placed the country there. It was much more than a relief. It was much more than a return to normalcy. It gave us a tangible sense of hope that we can not only begin to repair the damage of the last four years but that we can move forward at the same time. Not magically, not without a tremendous amount of hard work, but practically. If we can manage to achieve even a fraction of the unity that President Biden called for, we can make dramatic progress.

Trump’s Addiction and the Republican Party

This morning, in an article from the Associated Press about Trump’s diminishing support following his incitement of violence at the Capitol building on Wednesday, this statement was made:

“Trump has no plans to disappear from the political debate once he leaves office, according to aides who believe he remains wildly popular among the Republican rank-and-file.”

I was struck by this statement, not because of its general thrust, but because of an implicit assumption it makes. This assumption, I believe, also resides at the core of Trump’s supporters’ misplaced defense of the man. The assumption is that Trump has an actual interest in political debate. If the last four years demonstrate anything with absolute clarity it is that Trump’s only motivation for staying publicly active is self-interest. He simply needs the adoration.

Trump has changed his party affiliation five times since 1987 when he first registered as a Republican in Manhattan. Since then, he has moved between the Independence Party of New York, the Democratic Party, the Republican Party, no affiliation (Independent), and then back to the Republican party again in 2012. I do not believe this demonstrates any sort of sincere attempt to find a true ideological home. Instead, I see it as an opportunistic and continuous search for worshipers.

At present, Trump has found his worshipers within the Republican party. But this is probably temporary. When he begins to sense enough doubt (disloyalty) within the flock, he will shift to a purer base, perhaps one of his own creation this time. Like any addict, he will continuously seek a purer and more potent form of the drug.

Republicans who see Trump as a means to political or social ends should be careful. The more cynical among his followers may acknowledge that they are just using this simple man, but the converse is also true. At this point, the more strategic leaders within the RNC will continue their adoration of Trump as long as necessary to retain his base until they can identify their next standard bearer. But once that next leader is found, Trump will scream about abandonment and will attempt to extract his base from the party and inject it into his own sect.

If we are fortunate, that sect will wither and die without the support of a major party. If we are less fortunate, it will make last week’s insurrection look mild. And Trump will support almost anything his followers attempt, as long as they provide him with a continuous infusion of adoration.

Reflections on the Transition to 2021

Other than being an arbitrarily assigned marker for our next solar orbit, there is little cosmic significance to January 1. It doesn’t even fall on an equinox or solstice for heaven’s sake! And yet, most of us always celebrate it as a significant new beginning. We need to. It gives us hope, even when that hope has little basis in fact.

But I think this year’s transition feels different to most of us. There are several substantial reasons for optimism, for the belief that 2021 will be a much better year than 2020. Here are the top three for me.

In the U.S., we will finally have a new president. Now I realize that there are over 70 million people in the country who probably disagree with most of Joe Biden’s policy positions. Let’s just set that aside for a moment. I wonder if the vast majority of those 70+ million might be feeling relieved, maybe secretly so, that we will now have leadership in the White House that is not self-centered, that is widely respected abroad, that is both competent and empathetic, and that will attempt to heal rather than divide.

In the U.S., we now have two approved Covid-19 vaccines, both with very high efficacy and safety results. It will probably take several months before we’ll begin to see the major effects of these vaccines on our society and economy, but we will see encouraging bits of evidence along the way. These should give us reasons to persist in our efforts to keep each other safe in the interim. And, as an important side benefit, they should help to counter the odd and destructive anti-science sentiment that has crept into portions of our society.

Over the past year, we have seen a significant move toward the production of electric vehicles. Some have been available for a few years but many others will begin selling in 2021 and 2022. The auto industry, world-wide, is no longer just playing around with the concept. It is about to dive in headfirst. If we can couple this trend with improvements in our national infrastructure, including an upgrade of the power grid and an acceleration of the shift to clean power generation, we can begin to make a noticeable contribution to the health of our planet. With our new administration, there is a good chance we can at least make some progress along these lines.

Of course, not everyone is ready to celebrate. Most of us at least know someone who has suffered with Covid-19. Some of us grieve the loss of loved ones who have died from the pandemic. Many are suffering acute financial stress. Others continue to fear for their own safety in the face of police brutality, the rise of white supremacy, and other forms of hate.

We must not lose sight of any of this while we hope for a better year. In fact, recognition of these huge challenges should help us focus our efforts to turn hope into reality. We know that 2021 will be different almost no matter what we do. But it can also be much, much better if we work together to make it so.